Friday, February 03, 2006

Old Friend

I received a disturbing e-mail this week. I sent out a mass e-mail to most of my business contacts because our domain name changed. While scrolling through the list I ran across a few old friends that I haven't communicated with in quite a while. So, I added them to the list just to see if they'd respond. Well, it looked like no one was going to bite until late last Friday. I was out of the office all weekend so I didn't check e-mail until early Monday morning. There was a message from my wife's, college roommate's husband. He told us that our friend had died in an automobile accident a few months earlier.

I sat and read this e-mail in front of my wife and daughter during breakfast. I didn't know how to respond. I was having difficulty maintaining composure and began to cry. I told my wife and her reaction was void of affect. Here I was crying in front of my wife because a good friend of ours had died and she had no emotional reaction. I couldn't spend much time thinking about that because my mind was filled with feelings of grief for her family which includes her husband and young daughter, I think she's 4 or 5.

K's reaction made me question if I was over reacting to the whole situation. I was really bothered the whole day and even now almost a week later, I'm still bothered by the news. I'll miss Jen. She was a delightful person. Always upbeat, smiling, cheerful and positive. In fact, she was postive when she shouldn't have been. I remember her effort to get into medical school. She didn't have the scores to get in but she persisted far beyond what I would have.

After K and Jen left UCF we didn't keep in close contact. Jen was in our wedding. We went to her wedding. I think we saw her once or twice other than that. But the time we spent together in Orlando was so close and personal. She was part of my family. It was like our version of friends but it was a realistic version with difficulty, work, and love.

It's odd that we've been in contact with several other people from that time frame within the last several months. Most have families now, children, jobs, significant others. I think K and I are the only ones from the group who were married and who have stayed close to eachother.

I'll miss Jen more now, knowing that she's gone, than I would have not being in contact with her for several years. I feel intense grief and loss for her family. I want to hug her daughter and tell her how wonderful her mother was. I wish I could fill the void that her husband will experience in the coming years. I don't know why this is having such a strong effect on me.

Goodbye Jen.
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