hurt.
Yesterday, I found out that a person who I considered a friend actually doesn't like me. Honestly, I was not aware of the way this person actually felt about me. I really thought we were friends. This is troublesome for two reasons: first, I feel like an idiot because I think I should know this...I feel socially unaware. Second, I can't beleive that this person could put on such an act for such a long time that was so convincing.
My first inclination is always to blame myself when something goes wrong (I’m plagued with guilt). So, when this occurred, I thought that I must be a boob not to recognize that someone doesn't really like me. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not some personal approval whore who goes around trying to get everyone to like me. Conversely, I like positive attention; I like to be liked. But, how did this slip by me?
I also feel like an idiot because I've confided in this person several times. I've told this person some very difficult to share and personal things. All the while, this person was sitting there smiling, taking it in, and, ostensibly, empathizing with me. I feel like such an idiot for spilling my guts to someone who could care less.
On the other hand, I also feel like I've been misled. I truly was under the impression that this person was my friend. This person was always kind, inviting, and open. I feel like I've been betrayed and it was by no fault of my own. How does a person behave in manner that completely makes others think something other than what their true feeling are? I understand acting. I understand pretending. Hell, I even understand lying. However, this person misled me for 3 years! How in the world does someone do that?
I've probably been giving this more of my attention than is necessary over the last 24 hours. I guess I'm just hurt and embarrassed.
My first inclination is always to blame myself when something goes wrong (I’m plagued with guilt). So, when this occurred, I thought that I must be a boob not to recognize that someone doesn't really like me. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not some personal approval whore who goes around trying to get everyone to like me. Conversely, I like positive attention; I like to be liked. But, how did this slip by me?
I also feel like an idiot because I've confided in this person several times. I've told this person some very difficult to share and personal things. All the while, this person was sitting there smiling, taking it in, and, ostensibly, empathizing with me. I feel like such an idiot for spilling my guts to someone who could care less.
On the other hand, I also feel like I've been misled. I truly was under the impression that this person was my friend. This person was always kind, inviting, and open. I feel like I've been betrayed and it was by no fault of my own. How does a person behave in manner that completely makes others think something other than what their true feeling are? I understand acting. I understand pretending. Hell, I even understand lying. However, this person misled me for 3 years! How in the world does someone do that?
I've probably been giving this more of my attention than is necessary over the last 24 hours. I guess I'm just hurt and embarrassed.
posted by Scott at 8:54 AM
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