Don't Mess With Chuck Norris!

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increase 13,000 percent.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.

Those aren’t credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that day.

Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Everyone uses Google to find out facts about anything and everything. Google uses Chuck Norris.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

The way the wind blows depends on which direction Chuck Norris is kicking ass